Entertainment Roundup: Who’s The Teacher? Really? Oy.
Teach Tony Danza – A&E will be premiering a series that documents a year of Tony Danza teaching 10th grade English in Philadelphia. First episode he teaches them the two vowels: A and O. For emphasis, he repeats them in reverse order. The show was supposed to be in New York but was relocated to Philly after New York vetoed future episodes of the series. Maybe New York is still bitter Tony moved from Brooklyn to Connecticut to live with that rich broad.
Mad Men – I love the show and all but when did the show go from Mad Men to Sad Women? Did the guys on the show hold out for more money Jersey Shore-style and Matthew Weiner was like, “Funny you should ask because I was thinking of spinning off a show with Pete, Harry, and Kenny called “I Have So Much Pull At AMC That They’d Air A Show Starring These Boring F***s’ Don’t you realize nobody gives a damn about any guy on this show except Don, Roger (for a few quips an epsiode), and Sal? I fired Sal because a few of the married writers’ wives were suspicious how convincing the writing was. So enjoy being in only half the episodes this season, losers!”
Jersey Shore - Playboy and J-Woww have reportedly agreed on $400,000 for an all-access interview between their cameras and her bada bings. Vinny has been offered $30,000 by Playgirl for a similar interview with his salsiccia. Guess you can take the clothes off the guy/girl out of Jersey but you can’t take the Jersey out of the guy/girl.
Ashton Kutcher - Typical midlife crisis – a famous husband cheats on his 47-year old wife with a 21-year old. But Ashton’s only 32? Hmm, guess he’s only going to make it to 64.
Facebook Movie - “The Social Network” releases in October as author Ben Mezrich (the king of ‘based on my dramatization of a true story about rich college kids’ books that make 90% of their sales as impulse buys at airport bookstores) and Aaron Sorkin (the king of liberal politiporn dialogue) combine forces to transform the coding of a functional, utilitarian, personality-free website into the type of movies that makes Gene Shalit recite something like ‘non-stop roller coaster ride’ from his quotehole. Would’ve been a whole lot more interesting if they did the movie on MySpace…
In an amazing coincidence that had nothing to do with potential blowback from this film, Facebook is donating $100 million to Newark schools or $50 million for every Newark student on Facebook.
Hot Tub Time Machine - Okay, I know this has been out for a while but I just around to seeing it. It’s pretty good. (Modest spoiler ahead) With any movie, I’m always willing to suspend disbelief just once. So free pass on the whole, you know, hot tub time machine thing. Now they travel back from 2010 to 1986. Got it. They steal from Back to the Future and have one guy sing a song from the future. Okie dokie. They steal from Back to the Future II and have one guy get rich based on knowing the future. Yuppers. They don’t steal anything from Back to the Future III. Thank God. So then they merge the Back to the Future song gambit with the Back to the Future get rich gambit where one character named Lou forms a band called Motley Lue and sings Home Sweet Home. Problem is that Motley Crue founded in 1981 and ‘Home Sweet Home’ came out in 1985 – a year before they traveled back in the hot tub. I feel so insulted. Did you really think people wouldn’t know when VH-1′s 12th greatest power ballad of all time was released? You know I’m a dreamer and my heart’s of gold but those kind of mistakes are unconscionable. Theatre of pain indeed!
Jennifer Aniston – She guest-appeared on the season premiere of Cougar Town – bringing the sizzle and acting chops that made ‘The Bounty Hunter’ and ‘The Switch’ the top grossing movies of 2010* (*starring Jennifer Aniston). The fact she still gets movie jobs and tabloid covers makes me think Bill Simmons’ theory on Jennifer Aniston has some merit. I can picture the conversation amongst the producers that led to this guest appearance:
Producer #1: I think our show is lacking something.
Producer #2: Original writing?
Producer #1: No.
Producer #3: Humor?
Producer #1: Nah.
Producer #2: More scenes where they drink red wine in the middle of the day?
Producer #1: You’re getting warmer…
Producer #3: Another sitcom actress whose attractiveness and sliver of acting talent peaked 15 years ago?
Producer #1: Bingo!
The Roommate – Remember freshman year of college when you had two super hot girls on your floor that were roommates but one of the super hot girls was unstable and went around threatening and/or killing anyone who got in the way of her unhealthy attachment to other super hot girl? No? Huh, me either. Maybe because it’s completely frigin’ implausible. Luckily they’ve cast master thespians Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester whose respective acting is clearly responsible for the success of Friday Night Lights and Gossip Girl. Maybe Derek Jeter can give Minka some acting lessons.